The Once Upon a Time Affair: The morning after
by MLaw
Summary: Napoleon receives a shock after a night involving is favorite 'activity.' Written for the Once Upon a Time Affair Challenge on Section VII Live Journal.


**The prompt:**

 **It was the morning after a night of torrid passion and Napoleon Solo awoke to the hope of an encore before work. Turning over, he found that his date was no longer with him, and the only evidence she'd been there at all was an envelope on the pillow. Solo quickly opened it, expecting a note full of thanks, and a promise of future fun. Instead, the contents of the note caused the colour to drain from his face.**

 **The Theme** **-** **Revenge**

 **.**

It was the morning after a night of torrid passion and Napoleon Solo awoke to the hope of an encore before work. Turning over, he found that his date was no longer with him, and the only evidence she'd been there at all was an envelope on the pillow. Solo quickly opened it, expecting a note full of thanks, and a promise of future fun. Instead, the contents of the note caused the colour to drain from his face.

" _Dearest Napoleon, it was fun last night but to be honest it was a bit disappointing. That was a surprise to me for one of your supposed sexual prowess. Still that's not the point of this note._ _During intercourse you were infected with a virus; you will feel the effects of it very soon._

 _First you'll begin to sweat, then come the shakes and lightheadedness. You'll be weak and unable to stand, at this point you will notice a major change in your 'favorite' body part. It will begin to shrink._

 _Conversely, your balls will swell, so much so that they'll have to be surgically removed. You'll be a castrated stallion, and my revenge will be complete. You'll have to spend the rest of your life with a barely existent dick and no balls. You will be a eunuch. ( I can hardly contain my joy over that!)_

 _Now I'm sure you're asking yourself who the hell am I and why have I done this to you?_

This was the one time Solo wished his partner was hanging around in the hotel, but he wasn't here. Illya was off on an assignment of his own.

"Damn!" Napoleon practically spat.

He dropped the note, unfinished as he began to sweat profusely. Seconds later, right on cue, he began to shake and felt light headed. He was afraid to look down at his nether region.

Instead he grabbed his communicator and called for an emergency medical team to come get him.

As he tried to explain what the problem was to the medical technician who'd been added to the line, the pain hit him and Napoleon dropped to the floor in a fetal position; his hands cupped over his groin and unable to move.

When he awoke he found himself in a hospital bed and seated next to him was of all people, April Dancer.

"Glad to see you come around darling. Quite a predicament you've gotten yourself into," her voice dispassionate.

"Hi April," he whispered. Napoleon slowly lifted the sheets, trying to do a body parts count but his hospital gown was covering him.

"Are my ummm, man parts still there?" He sheepishly asked.

April's face drained of all color."How do I say this? You're going to be out of commission…"

He moaned. "No, no no no noooooo!"

At that moment Kuryakin walked into the room; a look of concern filled his blue eyes.

"My friend, I am sorry I was not here. Still have you not been warned that a woman would someday be the death of you...death in the sense that the Napoleon Solo you were before no longer exists. See, you should have worn a condom." His voice was almost sing-song.

That was a cruel thing for his partner to say but at the moment, Solo was concerned with determining the whereabouts of his body parts.

Napoleon bit down, grinding his teeth as he reached beneath his hospital gown.

He felt nothing...

They were gone, his testicles weren't there, and apparently neither was his penis. He blinked his eyes several times to fight back the tears; he needed to man up even though he was no longer a man.

A communicator chirped, and Solo's eyes opened wide…

It was the morning after a night of torrid passion and he awoke to the hope of an encore before work. Turning over, he found that his date was no longer with him, and the only evidence she'd been there at all was an envelope on the pillow. Solo quickly opened it, expecting a note full of thanks, and a promise of future fun.

" _Thanks for a great night Napoleon! You were, to say the least, fabulous. I hope I wasn't a disappointment to you...I don't think I was. Sorry I had to abandon you but I had a flight to catch. Maybe we can get together next time I'm in town."_

Napoleon breathed a sigh of relief and smiled, especially after he peeked under the sheet.

"Solo here," he answered the call of his communicator with gusto.


End file.
